mini palin thinks other mini palin’s hair tastes good!

last night at the republican national convention gov. sarah palin made what some call “the most important speech of her life.” palin patronized women everywhere by asking what the difference between and hockey mom and a pitt bull was. apparently it’s lipstick! sources say the original joke was suppose to refer to PMS rather than hockey moms. good job mrs. palin! can you still claim there is sexism in the media?

the crowd roared in agreement when palin took yet ANOTHER stab at obama’s qualifications by claiming that “a small-town mayor is sort of like a “community organizer,” except that you have actual responsibilities.” she then went on to say she plans to challenge the status quo, and bragged how she fought the “good ol’ boys” in alaska, and how great her family is, and blah blah blah.

so what was the most exciting part of the night (aside from counting how many times rudy giuliani would reference 9/11 in his speech)? WHEN LITTLE PIPER PALIN LICKED HER HAND TO FIX BABY TRIG’S HAIR!

yeah, we think it’s gross too.

sarah palin is a moose killer!

who cares that she is the youngest person to be elected as governor of alaska. who cares if she was the first woman. who cares that she is a mother of 5 with a son scheduled to deploy to iraq on 9/11 and another with down syndrome. we don’t care! she is a moose killer. that is enough reason not to like her.

(oh, and not to mention the she has absolutely no foreign policy experience, she is a republican, she supports off shore drilling–duh her hubby is in the oil industry, and she trying to scoop up left over hilary fans. those are also reasons not to like her.)

DEF don’t eat this.

celebrity chef antony worrall thompson has apologized for recommending the use of poisonous plants in his recipes. during a really boring magazine interview about watercress and other random weeds that grow in your yard, worrall thompson told interviewers that the weed henbane was “great in salads”. worrall thompson clearly has never had henbane in his salads, otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to give the stupid interview because he would be DEAD. ooooooops! he later retracted his statement and apologized for his mistake. he said he meant to recommend “fat hen” which is also a wild herb. well, i’m pretty sure no one died because they followed his recipe since how many people waste money on healthy & organic living magazine? worrall thompson is obviously an idiot and should just go back to making grilled cheese sandwiches (the kind with white bread on one side, and wheat on the other) in an elementary school cafeteria.

please sir, put me down.

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a house panel voted wednesday to cite former top white house aid, karl rove for contempt of congress. wah-hahahaaaaa. MISTA rove apparently broke the law when he failed to appear at a june 10th hearing on allegations of white house influence on the DOJ. MISTA rove is also been given credit for encouraging prosecutions against Democrats such as former Alabama Gov. Don Siegelman! MISTA rove, we are disappointed in you sir! speaker nancy pelosi says the decision is only a recommendation and a final vote will take place in september.

ROVE CLAIMS HE DIDN’T HAVE NOTHIN’ TO DO WITH THE DOJ SHENANIGANS!

they KILLED smokey?

minnesota wildlife officials suck. after six days of UNsuccessful attempts to remove a plastic water jug from a wild black bear’s head, they decided to SHOOT it. they claim they killed the bear to protect the public. he had a water jug on his head! how could he hurt anyone?

during this whole ordeal, the bear was not able to eat or drink, because duh! he had a jug on his head. he must have been really scared. but they just HAD to kill him. they didn’t want him “knocking over a kid”.

we hope you are in bear heaven now. THIS IS JUST A REMINDER WHY WE SHOULD RECYCLE AND NOT THROW OUT 2 1/2 GALLON PLASTIC WATER JUGS INTO THE WOODS!

oh crap. country poor. again.

the casa blanca has projected a record $490 billion deficit for the 2009 budget year. shit. screwed again. i guess we should send back our economic stimulus checks? it’s amazing how baby bush was able to turn a $128 B SURPLUS into a $490 B deficit in less than eight years. amazing. just amazing. that’s a lot of shoes for those of you who care about things like that.

oops. my bad, i approved the design while in the bathroom at the airport.

uh dude. that’s larry craig.

some guys fall asleep after sex, these guys fall asleep after burglary?

guys become drunk as a skunk. drunk skunks get sleepy and steal from a department store. police find them and take creepy pictures while they sleep. WINNERS. why did they decide to get hot pink pillows?

why didn’t you just cut off her arm?

a florida woman is a hero for saving her daughter from the family pool’s drain of disaster. pint-size pip squeak, rose, age 4, who can speak engligh, spanish, and yi dianr putonghua, was taking a dip when she ALMOST DIED! rose’s dumb mom let her swim without her water wings so she started “drifting, she was drifting off, she was starting to close her eyes”. not fooled by the possibility that rose was just taking a nap, momma jump in to save her little frijole! poor rose’s arm was stuck in the pool drain, but momma keep pulling and pulling but her arm would just not come off! by the grace of god rose made it out and is happily recovering in the hospital. happy ending? well, she’s not dead. so i say yes!

for those of you who are more linguistically challenged than i:

yi dianr putonghau: a little mandarin

frijole: bean

honey! i’m so glad you are back from the dead.

when UK resident john darwin disappeared in 2002 his wife, anne, must have been really sad. his tragic canoe accident left the hearts of brit’s weeping. poor anne, she was sad about collecting £250,000 from his pension and life insurance. she was so sad she moved to panama because she “didn’t know how she would cope” without him! too bad you suckers got caught. yeah, we really believed little john when he walked into a police station claiming to have had amnesia for 5 years. ok, ok, so yeah the darwins are dumb for trying to beat the system. insurance fraud on a car? that can be pulled off pretty easy. but faking your death? someone is bound to see you! well again, poor anne. it has just surfaced the little john and little little john were getting their kicks elsewhere. and again anne “didn’t know how she would cope” without him and she stands by her man. god lady! he’s not really back from the dead. this time around probably isn’t going to be any better. file this under stupid people.