sarah palin is a moose killer!

who cares that she is the youngest person to be elected as governor of alaska. who cares if she was the first woman. who cares that she is a mother of 5 with a son scheduled to deploy to iraq on 9/11 and another with down syndrome. we don’t care! she is a moose killer. that is enough reason not to like her.

(oh, and not to mention the she has absolutely no foreign policy experience, she is a republican, she supports off shore drilling–duh her hubby is in the oil industry, and she trying to scoop up left over hilary fans. those are also reasons not to like her.)

we’re responsible pot smokers!

and by “responsible” congressman barney frank means anyone carrying less than 100 grams, which is almost a quarter of a pound. HR 5843 would help end the frivolous arrests of responsible pot smokers in the united states but would not affect laws on growing, importing, exporting marijuana. there have been over 20 millions marijuana arrests since 1965, 11 million of those in the last 18 years. the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML) says there is a marijuana related arrest every 38 seconds. advocates believe that marijuana laws should mirror alcohol laws. who has a problem with that? oh, duh. the DEA and White House say marijuana is dangerous, and has no accepted medical use!!!!

SAVE OUR CHILDREN FROM THE CRAZY DANGEROUS POT SMOKERS!!!!

think reaaaaaaal hard about it. which is worse? an alcoholic dad that has fits of rage and beats your mom OR a pot smoking dad that loves you and the world lots and it super chill. so chill he forgot he just gave you your allowance and gave it to you again. uh, more allowance? give me the pot heads anyday.

SIDENOTE: there are tons of really good songs about smoking pot. everyone is happy and having a good time. everyone loves everyone else. there are NO happy songs about alcoholism.

holy hooligans batman! it’s the joker!

michigan police have arrested a man who tried to steal posters and other batman junk movie from a cinema lobby while dressed up as the joker. 20-year-old spencer taylor has been booked for investigation of larceny and malicious destruction of property. officers arrived to find employees restraining a man wearing a purple suit, a green wig and face paint in the style of batman’s nemesis in “The Dark Knight.”

SWEET.

speidi storms the green zone

notorious hollywood-schmollywood couple heidi montag and spencer pratt will travel to iraq this christmas to “perform” for the troops. perform what? a pole dance maybe? “the hills” stars do have personal connections to the war. montag’s stepbrother did tours in iraq and afghanistan, but then later died in a steamboat accident? steamboats are better than bullets and suicide bombs i suppose. meghan mccain is the master mind behind this trip and told montage she would give up her “left tit” to see them go to iraq. wait she would become asymmetrical just so she can send “friends” on trip where they might die? “people” magazine readers are super excited about their visit. here’s what some have to say:

Maybe all the soldiers can use Heidi’s giant chin as a weapon.

My wildest dreams include Spencer Pratt, tarred and feathered and forced to shop at Wal-Mart, where Heidi is a checkout girl/ Does the game include that?

Um, someone better explain to these two that Iraq isn’t the new Hollywood hotspot–I could see how they could be confused, what with everyone talking about Iraq, they probably thought it was some nightclub.

In any event, it’s nice of them to offer themselves up for target practice.

condi hits the mall. perhaps to buy a new hat?

condi can’t wait for baby bush’s term to end for one reason. maybe to stop the reign of terror and destruction? no, she wants to go shopping. dammit, we were wrong! she is a woman and not a robot. condi made a pit stop in australia this week to speak with some mini aussies. she is scheduled to head to new zealand….maybe to buy, uh, some sheep? protest have already been planned by some angry kiwis. students at a local university have offered an award of NZ$5,000 ($3,700 US) to anyone who will put her under an citizen’s arrest. APPARENTLY you can make citizen’s arrest for “overseeing the illegal invasion ans occupation” of iraq. aren’t handcuffs better than someone gluing themselves to you like they did to gordon brown? uh, yeah. if they mess up your power suit, just go buy another. don’t worry you’ll have plenty of time to shop once your boss is booted.

talula does the hula plays with sex fruit.

man. her parents suck. nine year old “talula does the hula from hawaii” can legally change her name to uh, maybe something like sara? talula’s idiot parents thought they were being clever when really they just created a sentence with poor grammar. what the hell is wrong with these people? try being a first grader who is trying to write there name! the courts have blocked lots of fun names! my favorite are “sex fruit” and “fish and chips” (now what is wrong with fish and chips?). SOME MORON let a few slip through the cracks. somewhere out there “number 16 bus shelter” and “and tragically, violent” are running around. let’s not forget matthew mcconaughey’s nephew is named “miller lite”.

(no that’s not the girl formerly known as talula does the hula from hawaii. it’s just some kid from milwaukee.)

some guys fall asleep after sex, these guys fall asleep after burglary?

guys become drunk as a skunk. drunk skunks get sleepy and steal from a department store. police find them and take creepy pictures while they sleep. WINNERS. why did they decide to get hot pink pillows?

shame, shame. trying to profit from a natural disaster.

ha! like no one has tried that before. apparently crazy dangerous drug smugglers used the chaos of hurricane dolly and tried to smuggle drugs and illegals across the texas border. but no, no, no, border patrol is too smart for you! they were totally able to spot you and your tractor trailer with 9,600 pounds of weed! next time, just make secret compartments in you car like everyone else. officials said the confiscated weed had a street value of $8 M. who is their dealer, and where do they come up with those prices??? that comes to about $52 an oz. SHIT, people pay that much just for an eighth! sign us up!

presidency down the drain? oh snap!

some presidents have buildings named after them. the important ones have monuments. what will our dear friend little george get? how about a sewage treatment plant? that seems rather fitting. it’s official! the fine citizens of san francisco will have the chance to make dreams a reality on the november ballot. they say the plant will help serve as a commemorative symbol of wB’s presidency. so basically the last eight years were just a load of shit? the GOP boys seem to be offended by this kind gesture. they will try to “flush” the proposal! hahaha, that’s so funny. ok, cnn wrote that line. poooooooo.