tot says: i just went there for the food

a 5-yrear old texas boy escaped coloring time at his daycare to get his daily fix of chicken wings, boobs, and orange shorts. the little tike managed to slip out the back of “imagination station” daycare. he took a stroll around the hood, stopping a gas station for some smokes and a coke, then continued on his way to his favorite place in the world: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the boy patiently waited for police to pick him up. he was busy being entertained by girls with hula hoops and beer. when he was finally reunited with his parents, his dad scolded him for not getting any phone numbers.

speidi storms the green zone

notorious hollywood-schmollywood couple heidi montag and spencer pratt will travel to iraq this christmas to “perform” for the troops. perform what? a pole dance maybe? “the hills” stars do have personal connections to the war. montag’s stepbrother did tours in iraq and afghanistan, but then later died in a steamboat accident? steamboats are better than bullets and suicide bombs i suppose. meghan mccain is the master mind behind this trip and told montage she would give up her “left tit” to see them go to iraq. wait she would become asymmetrical just so she can send “friends” on trip where they might die? “people” magazine readers are super excited about their visit. here’s what some have to say:

Maybe all the soldiers can use Heidi’s giant chin as a weapon.

My wildest dreams include Spencer Pratt, tarred and feathered and forced to shop at Wal-Mart, where Heidi is a checkout girl/ Does the game include that?

Um, someone better explain to these two that Iraq isn’t the new Hollywood hotspot–I could see how they could be confused, what with everyone talking about Iraq, they probably thought it was some nightclub.

In any event, it’s nice of them to offer themselves up for target practice.

white people STILL like asian girls?

so it seems asian girls are still as popular as ever. the once hilarious blog stuffwhitpeoplelike, still has post # 11 “Asian Girls” in its top post. it has danced between the number one and two slot since january and is still holding strong. still? still? i don’t get it. maybe cause me no speak ah no engrish.

the south fat? who woulda thunk it?

it’s official. traditional southern home cooking makes you fat. i mean it’s official now. the CDC said so.

no, fried okra and creamed corn does not count as vegetables.

condi hits the mall. perhaps to buy a new hat?

condi can’t wait for baby bush’s term to end for one reason. maybe to stop the reign of terror and destruction? no, she wants to go shopping. dammit, we were wrong! she is a woman and not a robot. condi made a pit stop in australia this week to speak with some mini aussies. she is scheduled to head to new zealand….maybe to buy, uh, some sheep? protest have already been planned by some angry kiwis. students at a local university have offered an award of NZ$5,000 ($3,700 US) to anyone who will put her under an citizen’s arrest. APPARENTLY you can make citizen’s arrest for “overseeing the illegal invasion ans occupation” of iraq. aren’t handcuffs better than someone gluing themselves to you like they did to gordon brown? uh, yeah. if they mess up your power suit, just go buy another. don’t worry you’ll have plenty of time to shop once your boss is booted.