chi fan le ma?

the BBC has created a list of “dos and don’ts” for foreigners while in beijing for this summer’s olympic games. learning the phrase “chi fan le ma?” tops the list. it’s translated as “have you eaten?” and is important to know, cause if you just shake your head “yes” all the time you ain’t gettin’ no food son. the list also says to be prepared for locals attempting to practice their english with you. don’t get confused if you hear a beijing local constantly talking about “CHIN-ER” or “CHIN-OR”. that’s just their ridiculous heavy beijing accent. it has a strong RRRRRRR on most words and can sound like they are growling at you. the dude is just talking about CHINA. took us a while to figure that out. HI SAM! i GUESS the most important tip is not calling you waitress a whore. “xiaojie” means “miss” but can be misinterpreted to mean lady friend. a better term to use is “fuwuyuan” which is close to “garcon”. now if you call someone that and she whips out a cell phone or calculator, she definitely is a lady caller and is ready to negotiate a price! might i suggest finding one of these nice ladies at night in “sanlitun”, which is a popular bar area near worker’s stadium (SOCCER!). during the day, the starbucks at the holiday inn in the “lido” area is probably as sure thing as well. LAST, but not least. don’t be surprised if you see security guards will large guns in fine establishments like mcdonald’s or KFC. they are just protecting the chicken type product they serve there!

waiting and waiting for “the big one”

many so cal residents had a nice wake up call on tuesday. YES, you live near a major fault line. however, the 5.4 magnitude earthquake that struck 2 miles southwest of chino hills was the biggest they’ve felt in over a decade. luckily no one was killed or seriously injured, nor was there any major structural damage. BUT NOW californians are just sitting there in anticipation of “the big one”. there is a 99% chance that “the big one”, which will have a magnitude of 6.7 or greater, will happen in the next 30 years according to the Uniform California Earthquake Rupture Forecast. according to CNN waiting for “the big one” is just “a chance many Californians are willing to take.” no, stupid no one is going to move out of LA just to escape the possibility of an earthquake! if they move up to the bay area the risk is the same. uh, anyone remember san fransisco 1989? so ok, californians can’t escape it, but what will happen when “the big one” strikes? while on a 4th grade field trip to the san andreas fault, a geologist said that california would break off completely from the continental united states. california already has one of the largest economies in the world, why not just be a self-sufficient island floating around?

please sir, put me down.

t

a house panel voted wednesday to cite former top white house aid, karl rove for contempt of congress. wah-hahahaaaaa. MISTA rove apparently broke the law when he failed to appear at a june 10th hearing on allegations of white house influence on the DOJ. MISTA rove is also been given credit for encouraging prosecutions against Democrats such as former Alabama Gov. Don Siegelman! MISTA rove, we are disappointed in you sir! speaker nancy pelosi says the decision is only a recommendation and a final vote will take place in september.

ROVE CLAIMS HE DIDN’T HAVE NOTHIN’ TO DO WITH THE DOJ SHENANIGANS!

they KILLED smokey?

minnesota wildlife officials suck. after six days of UNsuccessful attempts to remove a plastic water jug from a wild black bear’s head, they decided to SHOOT it. they claim they killed the bear to protect the public. he had a water jug on his head! how could he hurt anyone?

during this whole ordeal, the bear was not able to eat or drink, because duh! he had a jug on his head. he must have been really scared. but they just HAD to kill him. they didn’t want him “knocking over a kid”.

we hope you are in bear heaven now. THIS IS JUST A REMINDER WHY WE SHOULD RECYCLE AND NOT THROW OUT 2 1/2 GALLON PLASTIC WATER JUGS INTO THE WOODS!

we’re responsible pot smokers!

and by “responsible” congressman barney frank means anyone carrying less than 100 grams, which is almost a quarter of a pound. HR 5843 would help end the frivolous arrests of responsible pot smokers in the united states but would not affect laws on growing, importing, exporting marijuana. there have been over 20 millions marijuana arrests since 1965, 11 million of those in the last 18 years. the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML) says there is a marijuana related arrest every 38 seconds. advocates believe that marijuana laws should mirror alcohol laws. who has a problem with that? oh, duh. the DEA and White House say marijuana is dangerous, and has no accepted medical use!!!!

SAVE OUR CHILDREN FROM THE CRAZY DANGEROUS POT SMOKERS!!!!

think reaaaaaaal hard about it. which is worse? an alcoholic dad that has fits of rage and beats your mom OR a pot smoking dad that loves you and the world lots and it super chill. so chill he forgot he just gave you your allowance and gave it to you again. uh, more allowance? give me the pot heads anyday.

SIDENOTE: there are tons of really good songs about smoking pot. everyone is happy and having a good time. everyone loves everyone else. there are NO happy songs about alcoholism.

china continues to block internet for olympic media

chinese officials assured that internet censorship would be lifted for journalists during the olympic games. turns out, the open internet would only be extended to sites related about the “olympic competitions”. reporters are going to have a hell of a time trying to report on anything related to politics, human rights, and distaste for the PRC government. as of tuesday, the amnesty international site was still blocked along with any site with “tibet” in the address.

china’s censorship spreads way beyond sites regarding human rights and politics. THE GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY website has been blocked since 2002. let’s not forget, all WORDPRESS sites are also blocked! that means MR. GREG SHAPIRO, who is currently in beijing, cannot read this post!

holy hooligans batman! it’s the joker!

michigan police have arrested a man who tried to steal posters and other batman junk movie from a cinema lobby while dressed up as the joker. 20-year-old spencer taylor has been booked for investigation of larceny and malicious destruction of property. officers arrived to find employees restraining a man wearing a purple suit, a green wig and face paint in the style of batman’s nemesis in “The Dark Knight.”

SWEET.

kaine for VEEEEEEEEP?

WHO WILL IT BEEE????? well, anyway, VA governor tim kaine told close associates that he had a “very serious” conversation with senator obama about joining the democratic ticket in the fall.

but we can’t forget the other VP hopefuls like…… Sen. Evan Bayh (Ind.), Sen. Joseph R. Biden Jr. (Del.), Eric Holder, Caroline Kennedy, Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius, Sen. Christopher J. Dodd (Conn.) and former senator Sam Nunn (Ga.). Republican Sen. Chuck Hagel (Neb.) and Democratic Sen. Jack Reed (R.I.)

Let’s not FORGET Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (N.Y.)! It’s a long shot honey.

like, i think, that was totally a threat.

“the big powers are going down” says president mahmoud ahmadinejad of iran.

he blamed the US for CRAZY things like nuclear proliferation, AIDS, and other global ills. AND he claimed the US TOTALLY exploited the UN and other international organization so that they might profit from the world’s loss! UNheard of!

i’m moving to mars. ain’t no one’s ass in safe on this blue marble with threats like that.

oprah: her va-jay-jay must be huge!

last tuesday, a british canandian woman gave birth to her 18th child. livia and alexandru ionce immigrated from romania in 1990 and their 17 OTHER children range in age from 20 months to 23 years. husband alexandru says “we never planned how many children to have. we just let God guide our lives, you know, because we strongly believe life comes from God and that’s the reason we did not stop the life.” um, did alexandru ever think of his wife’s britney? i mean, 1, 2, MAYBE 3 kids and a woman can bounce back. but 18! owwwwwwwwwww.

at least there are a lot of hand me downs?